At 3:40 this morning, I was helping Dad to the bathroom when I started feeling like I was going to black out. I had to leave him standing there so I could sit down on the sofa and wait for it to pass.
It did, and I got back up to help him continue to the bathroom when the feeling hit me again. We both ended up on the floor, though thankfully not hard. I had to call 911 to help me get him back up.
And oh yeah, our dog is gone.
Yesterday, I took Dad to Rowe's to get some low-sodium bacon. I loaded him into the car, and we went. When we got back a little while later, I realized I hadn't seen the dog. Now she's nowhere to be found.
I don't know whether she went with us to Rowe's or not. I don't remember seeing her or putting her in the car. The only doors I opened at Rowe's were my door and the back door when I put the groceries in. I would think that if she had tried to get out when I opened the door, I would have noticed because I opened and closed it quickly.
But, I didn't. So, my leading theory is that someone is stealing my pets. BTW, did I mention we also had a kitten named Toonces mysteriously disappear a few weeks ago?
Well, whatever this is, I hate to think I might have lost my animals because of my own exhaustion. It's certainly possible to be the result of mistakes, though.
UPDATE 9:37 PM
Our dog, Brandi, is back home with us. She was picked up and returned to us by animal lovers who were concerned for her.
I feel good about my caregiving until I take my dad to his doctor. Then it feels like I’m not really doing anything to help him.
No, I shouldn’t be a caregiver. I have multiple diagnoses that confirm that. I’m still going to help to the best of my abilities, though, because no one else is coming to the rescue.
I'm in a weird mood. I think I'm losing hope that the person I'm caregiving for is ever going to walk unassisted again. He's slower than ever, for no apparent reason. It could be dementia causing it, but our neurologist appointment isn’t until late September. Who knows what condition he'll be in by then.
I also don't feel like eating. I'll probably eat dinner, but that'll be it. All I have in me right now is coffee.
Additionally, I'm wondering how much I should tell my psychiatrist during my virtual visit tomorrow. My mind has been drifting into negative places, but it's always temporary. Today, I just don't care about much. I'm going through the motions and feeling numb about it all. I'm not in a positive mood or a negative mood — I just am.
And whatever happens, happens.
So, I suppose things could be worse. I could be getting mad about everything. There's no point in that, though.
These are words that break my heart when it comes to individuals living with dementia. Maybe it’s because I once said the same thing myself during a mental breakdown years ago.
In fact, I'm sure it is.
I don’t know how or why it happens with mental episodes, but suddenly a person loses interest in almost everything. There’s no self‑starting, no spark to begin new activities, and repetitive routines take over the day. The person becomes almost a blank slate, feeling as if there’s nothing to do.
And getting out of that state is difficult.
So difficult, in fact, that I don’t know what to do about it for someone I’m caring for. I don’t know what might catch their interest or occupy their time. If I did, both of our days would be significantly better.
And yes — if you can’t tell — I’m blaming myself.
But I went through it. I got myself out of it, too. I just don’t know how to do that for someone else.
Every person is different.
All I can do is try to engage them and work from there. So far, though, it’s been hard.
I'm in a weird mood. I think I'm losing hope that the person I'm caregiving for is ever going to walk unassisted again. He's slower than ever, for no apparent reason. It could be dementia causing it, but our neurologist appointment isn’t until late September. Who knows what condition he'll be in by then.
These are words that break my heart when it comes to individuals living with dementia. Maybe it’s because I once said the same thing myself during a mental breakdown years ago.